Sunday, June 11, 2006
; forever love
He once said I was blind, and I guess I am. Reading the logs, I realise that our conversations tend towards tension everytime I mention Jiahao. And on his side, comments like "Go talk to Jiahao la" are a little more than occasional.
We were texting after a quarrel the night before, over something really.. miniscule and pointless. I remember him telling me he was going to play Wow, and I told him I was hanging with Jiahao. After, he refused to sell me the two tickets he promised. Which really upsetted me, and I said pretty harsh, strong words which I regretted. And when I tried to make up with him some days later, he was nasty.
i hate you for who you are la huh. just fuck off already. i don't wish to even regard you as a friend.
That.. was that I guess. Texts were unreplied. And I finally admitted, I loved him. Honestly.. I was unsure myself of the feelings. Platonic love, definitely. Romantic? I don't know..
He was firm. He created a new email because I had the password to his old account.
This went on until Jiahao's chalet on the 3rd. I was "dis-invited" naturally, because we had just broken up the day before. But.. I crashed it along with Judith, his ex girlfriend of 2 years and 10 months, because we wanted to confront him over various issues. Instead of talking things out with Jiahao however, I chose to settle things with Alwin.
Half wasted was the guy when I questioned him repeatedly over his change of attitude towards me. Stubborn despite everything, he answered with "Go figure", "Life's a bitch than you die" and other such nonsense. It was only when he uttered "When Jiahao was being a fucktard to Judith, were you being a fucktard to me?" did the obvious hit me. It was all about Jiahao. Why, I didn't know. Jealousy? But he never told me anything along the lines of feelings developed. Why would he be jealous because of my relationship with Jiahao?
What gave me the courage to press on was that he didn't push me away. I was holding onto his hand. Afterwards, he leaned on my shoulder and had his arm around me. And we hugged. Priceless moment. Saccherine sweet, and shy awkwardness.
Until Nicholas spoilt it. Couldn't really blame the poor guy, he was drunk. And when he recognized me, he was indignant that I was in the arms of another guy, when Jiahao was wasted inside the room. Unaware of the circumstances (the last time he saw us, Jiahao and I were all lovey-dovey), he began a crusade of questions. "Jov. Why did you choose him over Jiahao? Jiahao is handsome. He's my brother. He's drunk in the room now. Why..?"I don't want to repeat the other insensitive passages mumbled under the influence of the evil of all time, alcohol.
But I guess Win got really affected and offended, and no wonder, and when Nick tried to re-enter the room, he stood up, all sober, and initiated a fight. Jiahao, Iain came out, they tried calming Win down, and yes, Nicholas was extremely apologetic to both Win and me throughout the night.
To be continued.. Emo-ing in progress.
He once said I was blind, and I guess I am. Reading the logs, I realise that our conversations tend towards tension everytime I mention Jiahao. And on his side, comments like "Go talk to Jiahao la" are a little more than occasional.
We were texting after a quarrel the night before, over something really.. miniscule and pointless. I remember him telling me he was going to play Wow, and I told him I was hanging with Jiahao. After, he refused to sell me the two tickets he promised. Which really upsetted me, and I said pretty harsh, strong words which I regretted. And when I tried to make up with him some days later, he was nasty.
i hate you for who you are la huh. just fuck off already. i don't wish to even regard you as a friend.
That.. was that I guess. Texts were unreplied. And I finally admitted, I loved him. Honestly.. I was unsure myself of the feelings. Platonic love, definitely. Romantic? I don't know..
He was firm. He created a new email because I had the password to his old account.
This went on until Jiahao's chalet on the 3rd. I was "dis-invited" naturally, because we had just broken up the day before. But.. I crashed it along with Judith, his ex girlfriend of 2 years and 10 months, because we wanted to confront him over various issues. Instead of talking things out with Jiahao however, I chose to settle things with Alwin.
Half wasted was the guy when I questioned him repeatedly over his change of attitude towards me. Stubborn despite everything, he answered with "Go figure", "Life's a bitch than you die" and other such nonsense. It was only when he uttered "When Jiahao was being a fucktard to Judith, were you being a fucktard to me?" did the obvious hit me. It was all about Jiahao. Why, I didn't know. Jealousy? But he never told me anything along the lines of feelings developed. Why would he be jealous because of my relationship with Jiahao?
What gave me the courage to press on was that he didn't push me away. I was holding onto his hand. Afterwards, he leaned on my shoulder and had his arm around me. And we hugged. Priceless moment. Saccherine sweet, and shy awkwardness.
Until Nicholas spoilt it. Couldn't really blame the poor guy, he was drunk. And when he recognized me, he was indignant that I was in the arms of another guy, when Jiahao was wasted inside the room. Unaware of the circumstances (the last time he saw us, Jiahao and I were all lovey-dovey), he began a crusade of questions. "Jov. Why did you choose him over Jiahao? Jiahao is handsome. He's my brother. He's drunk in the room now. Why..?"I don't want to repeat the other insensitive passages mumbled under the influence of the evil of all time, alcohol.
But I guess Win got really affected and offended, and no wonder, and when Nick tried to re-enter the room, he stood up, all sober, and initiated a fight. Jiahao, Iain came out, they tried calming Win down, and yes, Nicholas was extremely apologetic to both Win and me throughout the night.
To be continued.. Emo-ing in progress.
joviee's musings at 12:57:00 PM
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