thought it over.

there's no point in whatever we were doing.

yes, promises may be a deterrence from a third party but at the end of the day.. what will happen, will still happen.

so yes, now we, i, will live without the baggage of promises.

take each day as it comes.

no planning of stuff like.. oh he doesn't love me anymore.. so i must give up on him.
keep things simple, natural.

if my heart tells me i love him, i love him.
if one day i wake up and find myself thinking of him not with love but friendship, then that'll be that.

no more promises.. no more control over each other.

it will hurt dreadfully. the thought of him with someone else and having no right to protest over it.
but maybe this pain will speed up the healing process. i don't know.

i'm not looking for a relationship or someone to love.
everyone will be just a friend.

if one day i find myself looking at a guy with different eyes, of shy fondness maybe..
it wouldn't be deliberate. it'd have just come, on its own.

it's hard for me not to fight for what i want. to just leave it up to fate.
but there is no alternative.
i don't know whether this relationship is beyond salvation.
he's not the person he was, tt i loved.
but i still hope it is possible.

perhaps,
if we truly love each other..
after running circles and circles,
we'll be together once again.