i must be hurting more than i thought. or rather, than i allowed myself to feel.

not so brave and self sacrificing after all.

i woke up regretting what i've done. :
his i love you came too little, too late i guess. sigh.
but at least he's happy that the biggest bitch has left his confundly happy existence.

that explains why i've vomitted my entire breakfast. (the brain and intestine link, remember?)

oh yes and i woke up late too ): i have miserable black rings around my eyes.

and i can't see for nuts cos i can't put my contacts on. hurts and it jus refuses to go in. little bugger.

i'm so not going to the hospital for a check up.

no no no no no.

all i need is another cigarette. but i'm out of them. i forgot to bring my new pack to school.

sick i tell you.

i want to go home, but i've an important literature lesson later.

sucks i tell you.

i want to just live in my own silent little world with no interference, but no, people just can't leave me alone to it.

for goodness sake i'm not fucking attached to someone i barely know.

cutest guy in school so what? tt's only because st francis has a severe shortage of cute guys this yr.

and please i think he's too short for me. we probably look more like siblings than a couple but anyway.

we're just FRIENDS.. i borrowed a lighter cos i FORGOT mine.

at least in lit people know to bug off when i sat down by myself in the corner of the room instead of my usual seat.

need a doctor. but there's no time. tuition, singing lessons, and maybe ktv today. -_-

wish i can jus screw it all.

whats the point in occupying myself with so many plans for this weekend when i don't feel the slightest bit of inclination to go or have fun. my timetable's so brimming tt it makes me weary.

i'm not even feeling very well.

i just want to mope and sulk at home. sulk tt i'm sick and nobody's taking care of me. no tlc ):

oh yes and take neoprints with the exbaby.

tt's all i want to do. i'm so obessed with this take neoprint with him thing.

i think i'm sick in the brain as well.

i miss his voice the monotonous HELLO he uses.
the way he looks like a puffer fish when he blows.
his kisses hugs sucks licks and warmth.
i miss his cologne his huge appetite.
just cuddling in bed talking.
seeing him first thing in the morning and last thing at night.
him putting on my shoes carrying my bag wiping my fingers
making out three times a day and giggling when someone calls in the middle of the session
his silly antics and the way he whines about not hugging him
heck even his deprivedness and annoyingness hahaha.

days with no insecurity, no tears, no pain.

ok i think i'm really very sick. going to the canteen to beg for a cig.

i can go on and on bout more stupid stuff but.

shall not write anymore.